I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
