the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
