she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
