Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
