physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
