Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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