i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
