HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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