I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
