I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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