I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
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