Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
