I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
