Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
