she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
