So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
