you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
