I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
