My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
