I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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