margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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