we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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