I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
