I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
