At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
