In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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