he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
His nipple licking is glorious
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