How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We left the knife in your bed.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
