I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
