It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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