hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize