Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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