Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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