yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
