Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
