Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Terrible idea I love it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
