I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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