I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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