roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
