I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
