first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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