dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have already put on my inside pants.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
