We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
