You just made me feel so damn special
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
