hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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