I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
