Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
