I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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