I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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