it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
