I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
