Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
