Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
