Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize