I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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