she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
