I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
