Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
