His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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