my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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