Kiss
Puke
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
