The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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