Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
