Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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