I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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