Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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