just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
