you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize