My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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