well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
