Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize