Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
