I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
