so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
