just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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