I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize