Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
