Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
