I wish I could teleport
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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