I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize