well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
