Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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