I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
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