At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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